Your Childhood Foodstuffs are Coming Back to Haunt You in So Many Ways. They say Boo.

First spinach rears it's ugly head with E. Coli
Then spring Onions in Taco Bell (Or maybe it's just Taco Bell)
And now Salmonella in Peter Pan Peanut Butter.
Steven Colbert in Ben and Jerry's..but that sounds like a tasty morsel.

But really, who in their right mind eats Peter Pan Peanut Butter. You know as a kid it was all about the crunchy Jif.

And I'm almost certain that there is a scientific link between the consumption of creamy peanut butter and serial killers. Who likes it smooth? Ted Bundy, Son of Sam, John Wayne Gacy Jr. (of particular note) loved it smooth, that's who.

So if you want to one day raise children to become evil deathspawn, give them the smooth stuff and Poof you'll have 30 dead bodies hidden in the rafters.

Speaking of other things that don't belong, I give you this news item from the AP.

NEW YORK - Anne Frank's father tried to arrange U.S. visas for his family before they went into hiding, but his efforts were hampered when Allied and Axis countries tightened immigration policies, according to papers released Wednesday.

Otto Frank also sent desperate letters to friends and family in the U.S. pleading for help with immigration costs as the family tried to escape the Nazi-occupied Netherlands.

Now you see, Anne, dear Anne, you realize that because we didn't want you in the US, you hid in an attic and wrote in your little diary about sickness and youthful hope and tortured generations of grade schoolers who dribbled snot and coughed on mass produced copies of your diary and didn't think twice about the fact that you were rotting away like the John Wayne Gacy's boys and then grumbled at the fact that they didn't want to read your filthy diary and just wanted to go home and play the Nintendo? I didn't think so. You hurt us so good. If this were a Sado-masochist convention, you would win the grandaddy of all prizes. Or a lifetime achievement award. That's impressive for a sheltered 15 year old chick.

Currently listening to: John Cougar Mellencamp's "Hurt So Good"

(Did you also recognize the parallel that this news item was pretty unannounced and hidden like the Frankster until my Nazi-self found it sitting in some random news website which is like the proverbial attic? I deserve a medal. Made of children.)

Editor's note: The views stated above do not reflect the writer's genuine views on the Holocaust, Nazi Germany, or the horrible tragic events that occurred during the time period, which include but are not limited to: Jewish people in ovens, Homosexuals having their brains dissected, and the beginnings of equating masculinity with German women.

Annelies Marie Frank (b.June 12 1929 - d.March 1945) succumbed to typhus in the Bergen-Belsen Concentration Camp. May she in all sincerity rest in peace.

Accompanying articles: Nut Butter
Franks' Grilled Franks Family BBQ (I know. Inappropriate. I apologize.)