Once in a Blue Moon I Feel the Urge to Make a Community Service Announcement. Don't Hold Your Breath, I Hate Community.

In today's weirdness, aside from the double oinker, is a cow that eats chickens. In India. I love it.

But the real kicker today is the fact that there is a lady who is suing Planned Parenthood for fucking up an abortion. She went to get an abortion and they failed.

I mean, it's usually a 100% guarantee if you cross the border and have it removed by a little old lady with a coat hanger in the shower. And it also works well and is pretty much a sure thing if you throw yourself down some stairs.

So you have to ask how in the world did Carmen San Diego get away with that one?

There are these evil tinkering pro-life elves with pointy ears and mind melding powers hiding under the beds in the PP clinics with little single serving size jello pudding cups and when you strip down to your skivvies and your singlet, they burrow deep into your vagina and slather vanilla flavored pudding like spackle on the walls of your uterus so when the doctor is about to insert a speculum or whatever they do in a real clinic (i'm all for homegrown operations.) and are about to remove the little organism (That is a human life! That is your son/daughter! Forget the fact that his/her little stem cells will either save a life or get flushed down the toilet! It's a life! So, hold on to your unwanted offspring and wait for the day when you are like the girl in the joy luck club who stares off into space and let her unwanted baby drown. And then, THEN, will you understand what it is to abort a thing that has no consciousness without a conscience. And finally, FINALLY, like a scene in a Gus van Sant movie, can you move on with your life and continue cutting those coupons with Billy Bob while you are on the crapper in your "mobile living environment.")

Where was I? Oh yeah, the vanilla pudding eradicates the effectiveness of the doctor's tools so that little cluster of cells can cultivate and grow, glued solidly to your insides, into the brat-faced being you call your own blood.

And the elves triumph once again, and report back to Bill Cosby for their next mission.

And, why, you might ask, why is this a tale to tell? She went to another doctor when she was 20 weeks preggers. And they didn't detect it. Now, I dunno. 20 weeks is what? 5 months? You'd think there might be some nice physical indicators that there is a human growing inside your swelling uterus. But hey, who's to say how the wonderful world of biology really works when you have the supernatural thwarting your every move.

It's a sick, sad, strange world. I'm swooning...

Oh yeah, get this, the woman's name -- Jennifer Raper. I just thought it was cute. It's a cute name for a cute baby.

Baby Raper. Baby Raper was born in 2004. (Kid, ain't going to live that down, youse just a failed abortion, Baby Raper.)

And this is news in 2006.Baby Raper is now Toddler Raper. And soon to be Kid Raper, then Teen Raper, and finally, just Ms. Raper.

The law moves in mysterious ways (i.e. slowly), just about as mysterious (slowly) as, you know, conception and the rising popularity of I dunno, say, Go-gurt (which I hope to God above that that isn't true. do we really need to squeeze our food down our gullets from packets you can carry in your purse, coat pocket, or tampon case?

Hindu, we got a sacred cow for you.

It smells like aborted fetus.