Continuing news filtering in from the animal kingdom -
Breaking news? Not really. But it broke a few things, mainly my steely exterior of undeniable fortitude. And now, as a result, I have a grin that stretches across my face like that newscaster lady in the first Batman starring Michael Keaton, Kim Basinger, and the ultimate joker of all time - Jack Nicholson.
Let's see if Heath Ledger is up to scratch. (He's going to be the new Joker for those of you who aren't keeping up on the comic agenda.) Heath, let it be known that if you fail, which you might because broody Christian Bale Batman is so much cooler than you, I will eat your baby. Mathilda Rose, or Baby-Lou Eatme or whatever the fuck antiquated name you and your hipster wife named her while you skated on your skateboard in Brooklyn with a big ole hemp beanie on your noggin. Might I remind you that before people thought you were legitimate, you graced the screens as a turd-monkey jouster and a priest who liked the feeling of that thing up your butt. (What thing is it? Multiple choice for all! A. Broomstick B. Crucifix C. Jesus D. The Hand of God)
Anyway, back to my original plan of attack. Here is a new news item from the BBC. I think it shows a lot of journalistic integrity.
Men in parts of Tanzania's main city, Dar es Salaam, are living in fear of a night-time sex attacker.
A BBC correspondent says the attacks are being blamed by some on a demon called "Popo Bawa" meaning winged bat.
Some men are staying awake or sleeping in groups outside their homes. Others are smearing themselves with pig's oil, believing this repels attacks.
Reports of the demon's existence have been common for many years in Zanzibar, where locals claim it originated.
The BBC's John Ngahyoma in Dar es Salaam says not many people actually believe that the demon exists and there have been no sightings.
But Mbaruku Ibrahim, who hails from Zanzibar, says the story of the demon is common there and people in his village on Pemba island sleep beside a huge fire outside their houses whenever it is said to appear.
The story goes that the bat is able to transform itself into a man at night and it has also been blamed for rapes of women.
Sheikh Yahya Hussein, a prominent astrologer in Tanzania, claims that the demon is a spirit that is unleashed by witches to torment their opponents.
Belief in witchcraft and superstitions is widespread in Tanzania, especially in rural areas.
So, check it, first off, the BBC is posting news about an evil Transmogrified Man Raping Bat. That has to make you wonder if FOX News might, just might, be a little more legitimate than we previously assumed. I know, a little far fetched but think about Mr. Ledger and then answer the question truthfully. Ok, yeah, I see your point.
Secondly, the men are afraid of getting it up the butt. So they decided to sleep in groups with each other? In Pig's oil? I think there's more than meets the eye. Something tells me an old White wrinkly colonial Freemason started a conspiracy many years ago so that men could fuck each other under the guise of an ass demon. If you hold a blacklight on the victims you'll find the next clue. Or cumstains. or both. or cumstains in the shape of a clue. Or a clue in the cumstain. Either way, Tom Hanks, you know you love it.
Thirdly, "the story of the demon is common." Do I really need to say more?
Now for a little sex ed. (And I am not your gym teacher. But I am friends with many "Friends of Gym Teachers" if you get my drift, but that's not the point.)
Anal intercourse is not a gay thing. According to Wikipedia, anal sex is "often used to mean the insertion of the penis into the rectum." Furthermore,
There is a common misconception that anal sex is practised almost exclusively by gay men, but this is not true. It is thought that an estimated one third of male couples do not include anal intercourse in their lovemaking. About one third of heterosexual couples try it from time to time. It is thought that about 10 per cent of heterosexual couples have anal intercourse as a regular feature of their lovemaking. In absolute numbers, it is hypothesized that more heterosexual couples have anal sex than homosexual couples.
As all people should know is that when it comes to anal penetration, you have the option of using a synthetic penetration device - whether you are on the receiving or giving end. Or both.
Just remember, if you are curious, just take it slow and safe. And you will be a happy man, woman, intersex, trans, MTF, FTM individual. (At some point, there are just too many to include to be inclusive.)
For more info regarding safe anal play, visit babeland to seek out a good introductory guide
For your amusement regarding the stupidity of the world, visit here or here.
BUT! The Bat demon knows all the intricacies of analplay: He's all inclusive! "It has also been blamed for rapes of women." The main thing it forgets is the whole notion of consent.
BUT! If the Bat is an animal, then technically the human end is committing bestial sodomy, so really, who is the victim?
Ahh, all these conundrums in life brought forth by one little article about a horny Tanzanian bat (or man wearing bat wings made of canvas.)
We ask, in conclusion, are you enriched? Can YOU get a PopoZao? If you know what I'm referencing, then it's time the Popo Bawa pays a visit in your bunghole. Or it's time to get all Popo Bawa on your ass.
I slay me. And my Joker grin lives on.
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